Straight Up Reasoning

" It would not be reasonable in me if I did not serve Him Who created me, and to Whom ye shall (all) be brought back."

[36:22]

Daddy Daddy

When me and belle were small we had standard questions to Abah everytime exam comes:

'Abah tahun ni kalau perikse dapat nombor 1 atau 2 atau 3 yaa ngan kakak nak ....... boleh tak?'
(fill in the blanks: somewhere along the lines of basikal, rollerblade)

Huhu so young yet such opportunists we were.

Anyway this year, kalau Abah ada,

'Abah tahun ni kalau perikse dapat first class yaa nak iphone atau blackberry boleh tak?'

Walaupun the prospect of a first is kinda bleak. But still!
Waaaa...I want them gadgets so bad..so bad..^_^

Chocolate Milk in Her Memory

It got to me that now is the longest yet. We never go without not seeing each other for BOTH Winter and Easter. Yeah you'd think 3 years of practise is sufficient but I guess it's not. In first year we spent the WHOLE of Winter and Easter in each other's company. In second year Winter and part of Easter. In third year in the bleakest part I even flew to her place some time in midterm. But adoii laa this year we only spent 3 weeks being sick in each other's company. Though I should be thankful thinking that being sick for 3 weeks alone could be just damn depressing.

Anyhow just how do I deal without it? I needed her in winter to make up for the cranky weather and for the pep-talk to recharge for the remaining half of the year. And I need her now to be my studying chheerleader. Somehow I don't see things clearly without her around and I've been lacking her thumbs-up on my everyday decisions. Yeah, quite childish but that sucks.

At first I thought I could be over-reacting but then I caught a friend being close to tears at the thought of not seeing her boyfriend that she only met less than 3 years of her life for a mere 3 months, so I guess I am anything but over-reacting.

Aaa..nak makan krispy kreme pun tak boley share..benci benci benci! :( :(

And today, in her memory, I drank the friggin' thick chocolate milk that she loves so much. Blimey it took a lot to get the stuff down my throat. Eeeekkk!

Haaahaaa rase kelakar pulak at my attemp to 'deal'.

Now ain't she a cheeky monkey? :P

How Do I Want to Die

How do I want to die I ask. Probably of old age, or a sickness, possibly on a physical death-bed. But then I wouldn't know any better. So let's not get further on this. But how do I want to die really? If I can look back at myself the first day of roaming around the after-life, how would I want to see myself remembered? Say, if I were to die today, I would look back at yesterday to see that, well, I was really staying home. Studying some, gymmed some, being excited at Matchbox Twenty's new video some. I guess it's OK for an average day but face it, if I were to die today an average day yesterday just doesn't cut it.

Looking at a bigger picture, probably my family would be mourning, still can't believe at the loss of me. My twin would be hysterical, probably. But how about the rest? How will I be remembered? Some people die and they get real nice thoughts from the world; 'oh she used to do this and that', 'oh i remember the time when..' The gist is, how you touch other people's lives would relate some to how your death is taken by the world.

Slumber didn't come easy last night as I was thinking about death. Some people got claustrophobic, some are scared of the dark, some are scared of being alone. But all that can be controlled now. You can avoid the lift, turn on the lights, be where everyone is. But when death comes you got all three and more; you are immobile, adjusting to your new existence phase, scared-to-death only that you just died (haha quite an unclever pun here). So I was really scared thinking it could be tomorrow and please let it not be tomorrow because I haven't packed anything for my trip to the next world please.

So I was thinking, they say when you die you left everything with the rest of the world except prayers from anak-anak yang soleh and your deeds. I haven't had children yet, and as for deeds, well, I should not think much either. I was brainstorming on the many form of deeds there is, after all, as appointed khalifah of the world I should be able to justify what are the stuff I can do to make the world a better place (gosh I feel like a GreenPeace girl now).

Money is the easiest way to contribute. But face it, even the receiver didn't think much of your money as usually, if you give away that amount of money it means that you could very well do without it. But, if you make sedekah a common practise, and other people saw it and they probably thought twice to stopping to that MERCY volunteer, then that is definitely better. If you do it so regularly and your mates associate it with traits of a Muslim, then you gain a positive view of a person on Islam and who knows where that might lead?

I was struck one time by a comment from a kakak. This kakak is already a doctor now, and she does a lot of usrah stuff besides her med-school obligations, she leads a buzzing busy life in short. One time she let out, "Akak tak cukup masa sekarang ni. Kalau boleh sepuluh minit pun akak tak nak bazir" I was like, wow, when I can spend a complete 10 minutes youtubing, or probably surfing the net thinking oh-my-i'm-bored-let's-see-what-I-can-do. And when I recalled about this kakak and her simple comment, it becomes a sort-of drive. So my next brain-storming result is; lead by example. I bet the kakak never thought twice how her comment affects me. I would wish to do something small-but-great like that too.

Another idea I got was to not live selfishly. Chances are we're not, because obviously our lives reach others no matter how small. But what I am thinking is that if we see a bigger purpose it could drives us some. Like, say I'm studying now to get nice results. Put simply I'd say I'm doing it for myself, and my family, and so that I get a good job, earns money and so on and so forth. But if I could actually achieve something, wouldn't that be a good example. Because personally for me, I'd always tell myself 'if she can do it i can do it too'. This is simple but it relieves stress and helplessness really because I remembered how terrible it was the first few months in KMB and these kinda thoughts kept me going. Also if we see other people doing an unselfish act, chaces are we would not be selfish too. Like, a simple example here, say I truly hate picking up rubbish. But if I see another person doing it volunteerily it would really struck me why do I made such a big deal out of picking up a rubbish its just that simple.

Lastly, (tak larat nak tulis dah) is charity. Charity around the house, to your friends, to the community and possibly to your country. Teach, build something, leave a nasihat or an impression and goodness knows how far they will go. It's not like we want to leave the world with a bang, but it would be sad to leave the world without making even a tiny difference.

So to end this post, I'd say, take each day as your last, get scared and freak out, then act upon it.

Look What You've Done

Let me tell you of how I deal;

I DON'T.

It was not my problem anyway, so I don't need to 'deal' in the first place. And then I was convinced to do otherwise and look where it got me. Arghhhh can I reiterate that it is not my problem ANYWAY and why should I got all this 'nice' misconceptions being thrown back to me.

Apape lah. We all know the tale of the fox and the grapes ANYWAY. Just leave me be.

p/s: Pardon me the venting :S

Claims, Rights and Deserving

Simple logic gives that, if you work very hard, you will eventually reap what you sow. Simple logic also gives that, ultimately your work is rewarded proportionally. But simple logic doesn't interpret your rezeki. Simple logic also fail to recognize whether you really WANT the thing you are currently working for. And what about those uncountable things we face in life every day? How about the day you hit the lottery (probably this isn't such a good example :S) or the exam day when all but those you study for came out?

So yes, if there's anything I should realize by now it is that NOTHING, in fact, is in our control. We try to steer our fate towards what seems valuable, and away from what seems rotten, and various other decisions based on the stereotyped ideas implemented in our mind. But that is all we do, really. We TRY.

So who does all these decisions then?
DU--uh..you know that and I know that. And how I am mighty glad that I don't have to! But then, even this simple fact needs a lot of reminders really.

So what do we do?
We DON'T stop working, in case anyone is wondering. Instead we try and try and see if God's grace says that yes, we deserve to be rewarded. This is not to say that we EARN it. Though yes probably the word 'earn' may be freely used in a day-to-day basis. But personally I'd think, we are not the one to let out the claim that we deserve something or earn anything. We give our best shots, and rewards, insyaAllah, will follow in whatever means God wants it too.

So I guess, in my interpretation, the moment we are born into this world, probably born as a Muslim more so, makes to claim, to declare the rights, or assume we are deserving to be impossible. I mean, how could you thank Allah enough to claim more things?

Well this is just my small point to ponder. The gist is that, be thankful, TRY to deserve the too many of Allah's graces as much as that is impossible to reach, believe that Allah's decision is for the best and ultimately live happily ever after. Hehehe. I extract a saying/poem from a friend's FB, quoted from Mother Theresa. Very relevant I should think.

ANYWAY

People are often unreasonable, illogical,
And self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you
Of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some
False friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
People may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spent years building, someone
Could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
They may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
People will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
And it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
It is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Cure for the Heart

When I feel helpless what do I do?
When I feel lazy what do I do?
When I feel bored what do I do?
When I feel tired of it all what do I do?

Some of the questions that I was looking answers for today. With God's grace as I was browsing through Balong's facebook (because I am the typical adoring little sister) I found some suggestions.

Ubat Hati Ada 5 Perkara

1. Yang pertama baca quran dan maknanya
2. Yang kedua solat malam dirikanlah
   
3. Yang ketiga berkumpullah dengan orang-orang soleh
4. Yang keempat perbanyakkanlah berpuasa
5. Yang kelima zikir malam perpanjanglah
   

It comes with a sweet song as in here. Wait till about the 4th minute till the malay version comes on. This song is about you, me, and the rest of us, insyaAllah!